Coconuts
by mew-tsubaki
Summary: Oneshot. Femslash. My 1st Fleurmione! It's got to be jealousy, Hermione swears it. There's no other reason for her to stare at Fleur so much... A funny, flirty fic meant to amuse, and a definite T.


**Coconuts**

A HariPo oneshot

by mew-tsubaki

Note: The _Harry Potter_ characters belong to J.K. Rowling, not me. My 1st Fleurmione—a strange idea I just had to write. XD Read, review, and enjoy!

- ^-^3

Post-war, settling down was hard to do.

Hermione looked at the people around her. Harry was struggling to reignite his passion with Ginny. George didn't want to be near anyone at all very much. Ron was sure that he'd gone bloody mad after visiting "Looney" Lovegood of his own free will. Bill and Fleur were crumbling, the complete opposite of the stronghold they'd been before. Even Molly and Arthur were strained, still exhausted from all that had happened to their family. Hermione, too, thought of her own parents, two Muggles who were blissfully unaware that they'd ever even had a daughter.

And here Hermione was, changing bed linens.

She shook her head a bit, hoping Fleur and Ginny wouldn't notice. Even if she kept her hair down and free so it partially hid her face, her eyes wouldn't listen. They kept drifting to the blonde witch's fit form…and comparing it to her own.

Ginny was bound to go no further than a B-cup, Hermione reasoned. Quidditch girls, like female swimmers, tended to have smaller busts and broader shoulders. Hermione was fairly sure Ginny's love for her sport was going to limit her, though her back-end was nicely shaped.

Hermione herself was a healthy C—not that anyone would notice since she regularly hid herself in sweaters and behind books. She wasn't as active as Ginny and therefore still had a bit of plumpness to her, but she figured she looked all right. Her bum, however, had suffered all these years of sitting in library chairs.

Then there was Fleur, and Hermione's eyes drifted back to her. Fleur wasn't perfect, but she was damn near. Her hair was golden and shone even when Fleur thought it was flat, her French features were pretty and not hard or jagged, and her movements were always graceful, even when she tripped. She was well-proportioned though a bit lanky, considering how tall she was. For such a thin woman, she had amazing curves, and it was her definite D-sized chest from which Hermione couldn't drag her eyes away.

"Next room is Mum's and Dad's," Ginny stated as they continued to change sheets.

Hermione numbly nodded. She was glad they were doing this without magic. It was nice to think of herself as a Muggle for once, and she liked not having to use words right now. Besides, she wasn't sure spells would come spilling from her mouth even if she needed to speak—her mind was a bit preoccupied.

"Watch ze landing, 'Mione," Fleur warned as they stepped into Molly and Arthur's room at the Burrow.

The genius witch blushed and avoided the slightly raised platform. Fleur always distracted her for her lack of Hs. Since Fleur struggled with them still, she'd taken to calling Hermione by a nickname once used by Ron—though Ron had another "looney" moniker running through his mind these days. Hermione didn't mind; in fact, she rather liked hearing it with a French lilt. Hmm. Maybe she could learn French. She'd always thought it was pretty, and she'd originally entertained the idea of learning it back when she thought she would go to a normal, Muggle school.

"'Mione?"

"Yes?"

Fleur chuckled—much better than her old titter she used to employ when she was with her Beauxbatons friends. "You are so, eh, space-like today."

"Oh. You mean 'spacey.'"

"Ah! Yes, zat." Fleur grinned and blinked her glass-like blue eyes. "What eez on your mind?"

"Nothing," Hermione lied, passing Ginny one end of a fresh sheet after Fleur removed the dirty one to be washed.

Fleur gave her a look and sighed. "I 'ave seen you looking, 'Mione."

Hermione froze, beet red and ghostly pale all at once. "What?" she squeaked.

Ginny rolled her eyes. "You'll have to come to terms with it someday, Hermione, you bookish chit."

"Um, beg pardon?"

"She eez playing ze dumb," Fleur commented, shaking her head, and Ginny agreed.

"About everything!" Ginny added.

"I… Well, I'm not sure…" Hermione struggled to find the right words. Oh good Godric—had they noticed her staring and been confused?

Ginny groaned. "Don't worry, Hermione, even I've been there."

Say what?

"Eet eez only natural to be envious of anuzzer witch's breasts and body," Fleur said without reserve.

Hermione choked on a gasp. She had said it so bluntly! "O—oh… I'm so sorry, I…"

Ginny waved her off. "Nah, it's fine, Hermione. I used to compare myself to you, believe it or not. Then I got boobs and was fine with it."

The brunette nervously laughed with her friend. Meanwhile, at "boobs," Hermione was reminded of this ridiculous song she'd heard on the wireless several years ago. Her mind was filled with an imagining of what Fleur _really_ looked like in all her bouncing glory, and lyrics floated in the background: "I've got a lovely bunch of coconuts…big ones, small ones, some as big as your head!"

Fleur tutted at them, though a smile was toying with her peach lips.

The three witches continued their task throughout the house, ending at the foot of the stairwell when they were done. It was early midday and Molly and Arthur weren't back from shopping yet. The boys were away at work, with the exception of Harry and Ron, who'd gone to see Xenophilius over a /Quibbler/ article, though Harry had told Hermione and Ginny it was really just another excuse for Ron to see Luna.

Ginny looked at her wristwatch and cursed. "Damn, I'm going to be late for Harpies tryouts." She looked at her two friends. "Wish me luck!" she said as she dashed upstairs to get changed.

"She eez so lucky, to 'ave a 'obby to keep 'er bizzee," Fleur commented with a sigh as she and Hermione headed out side to wash the sheets.

Hermione nodded. "I'm still trying to figure out what to do, now that I've finished school…"

"Nozzin' comes to mind?" the part-Veela asked quizzically.

She shrugged. Nothing was going to come to mind unless Fleur stopped lifting up the comforters to beat and the song stopped playing in Hermione's head. She turned and stuffed all the sheets in the bin for cleaning.

"'Mione?"

"Oh, sorry. No, nothing," Hermione confirmed. She closed her eyes a couple of times and breathed. It didn't even occur to her to think this was a girl, her friend—all she wanted to do was scream because she saw ivory skin fading to rouge-colored—"OW!" She bit her tongue, swallowing the yelp triggered by the bin tipping over and landing on her toes.

"_Mon dieu_—'Mione, are you 'urt?"

"Ah, um, no, not too bad…" She sat down on the ground and shook her head, wincing as she bent her foot. Oh, her toes would be hurting for a while.

Fleur stopped what she was doing and came over. She knelt near Hermione's foot, frowning. "Are you sure eet was not too bad? You should probably take your shoe off to be sure…" She leaned over Hermione's leg.

The brunette blushed, having more than an eyeful of the view before her. Unlike many girls, Fleur's skin from her collar bones to her breasts was not pale. The difference was just another thing to distract Hermione.

Fleur looked up then, her face one of curiosity. "Did I get dirt on me?" she queried, peering down her top.

"No, no!" Hermione was flustered and she yanked her foot away from Fleur. Fleur stumbled onto her bottom on the ground…Hermione's eyes bouncing with Fleur's chest.

The blonde witch shrugged and got up, brushing herself off, her hands patting her round arse delicately. She went back to the comforters and spoke to Hermione over her shoulder. "'Mione—"

"Yes?"

"If you want to touch zem, you could just ask.

Hermione ducked her head to hide her blush. So Fleur _had_ read into it.

"And if you want to do something more…zen why didn't you just come clean eairlier?"

She could hear the smirk in Fleur's voice, and Hermione was flabbergasted. Not because of Fleur's forthrightness, no. No, the genius witch had realized it was not just jealousy she felt…

She rather felt the need to dirty those sheets some more.

- ^-^3

**That song, "I've Got a Lovely Bunch of Coconuts," is bloody hilarious in the wrong context. Credit goes to Merv Griffin and Freddie Martin for the original, and the situationally incorrect version that I saw by Monty Python. But man, I loved this—it was so funny, seeing Hermione be all awkward! XD And Fleur… I really do love her—it's so great writing her accent. ;] And as a female writing femslash, it's much funnier since I KNOW one-hundred percent the parts about which I'm talking… Go, Fleur and your D-cup, go! XDDDD *ROFL***

**Thanks for reading and please review!**

**-mew-tsubaki B)**


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